Been a tough day...

Having seen how far my Mom has deteriorated in just a week of being back home from the physical therapy rehab place and hospital, makes me sick. I won't get into the details, but she needs to be in a home. Not assisted living; a nursing home. And most of it is her own doing. I just simply cannot grasp the idea of giving up and expecting everyone to take care of you. She used to be so independent. Manipulative as all hell, but still, she was independent in that she cleaned the house twice a day, took a bath every day, ran her own errands, balanced the checkbook, paid bills, got her hair done, nails done, wore makeup everyday, wore impeccable clothes, and was very pretty. Her attitude had always been highly questionable, but I'm sure I'll cover that in another post... :o/

What I see now is a shell of a person I no longer know. And it kills me. She is now nasty, insane, and wants to be with Dad; not caring about who she does have left. Sorry, but unless you are gonna down a ton of pills, the only way you're gonna get there is to stop eating and drinking altogether, and stop taking your necessary meds, not the ones you THINK you need.(Heavy sleeping pills, and ODing on them) You have already thrown yourself around the house having tantrums, falling, etc... thus landing you in a hospital. And bitching about it every day... you have NO RIGHT to do that. Period. (Ok, I guess that last part was meant for her, but you get the point...)

Anyway...... *sigh*


What I try like hell to concentrate on is what I have in my life that WANTS to live and not give up...

I have a wonderful man that is the world to me and always will be. I can't thank you enough for everything you have ever done for me, given me, and the love you have shown me... you are my miracle... xoxox ;o)

I have 2 doggies that are my "kids" so to speak. One is very sick, but I'm thankful to see both their faces each and every day; waiting to give me kisses and snuggles... ;o)

I have some wonderful friends and family. Some of who live far away now, but I love and miss all the same. Just talked to one of them today, which makes me aware that no matter how far you are apart, we're only a call or plane ride away. :o) (Same goes for the family I have scattered everywhere!)

And I have a home, and food, and all the things you need... I may be broke, I may miss alot of people who are no longer living, but I have good all around me... and that's more than I can say for alot of people. :o)